"Why..." Bad or Good ??? To Ask?

“Why did this happen...?” 

Many have asked this question.  The distinction between good and bad question lies in the motive behind the inquiry and the actions taken afterwards:   

“Why are you asking the question and what will you do with the information?” 

In general, this answer will fall into one of two broad categories…. You are learning, or you are throwing a tantrum. 

To Learn, Understand, and Apply: Actions inspired by the information 

Dr. Robert Melillo has a son who was diagnosed with a learning disorder in the 1990s.  He’d ask doctors “Why is this happening?” 

He got far too many blank stares and “I don’t knows!” 

He dug deeper to discover there was insufficient research regarding why learning disorders occur.  Dr. Melillo’s “Why” was the driving force that laid the foundation for the Brain Balance Achievement Centers.  Numerous centers are up and running across the U.S. today.   

One parent, driven by the concern for a child’s well-being, set off a revolution in the way learning disorders are diagnosed and corrected.  Sounds like a good response to “Why is this happening...?” 

Emotional Outburst, Temper Tantrum, “That’s Not Fair!”: Reactions to the Information. 

Other people will spend days, weeks, months, or years obsessing over why something happened… in essence, living as victims of a heinous crime.  There are emotional responses that pop when bad news (like cancer) breaks and impacts you or the ones you love. It happens… I get it. But how long will they dominate your days, pin you down, and disrupt the quality of your life?  This is of great importance! This question needs to be answered cuz it will determine how you respond to the situation in days future.   

The Drummer’s Reaction 

The cancer news broke on June 4, 2019.  The emotion switch immediately went to the “OFF” position (deal with the death of immediate family members enough and you learn how to hit THAT switch real quick) as the flood of information flowed from the doctor and his staff.  “It is what it is…” was the mantra I recited during the 60 minute drive home that day. Why? 

Cuz the facts were not going to change. There was no value in dwelling on what could not be changed.  My Wendy and I talked a lot that night, and I shared the information with family too. The facts were shared and the emotions were left out for the most part.  I decided to blog about the experiences a day or two later.

As mentioned in previous posts, writing about significant events offers a means of digesting the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual responses and reactions to all things tied to surviving a battle with cancer.  Putting the experiences out for public consumption makes the drummer’s therapy sessions (writings) available for others that may find encouragement, inspiration, and confidence to endure their battle and emerge victorious! 

But Wait… There’s More!!! 

I am geekishly fascinated by the art and science of cancer treatment.  It is amazing to see and hear how the technology has advanced, and how bad ass the application of brute force is in the healing process!!!   

I wish people were not afflicted with cancer.  It sucks ass!!! Yet, it is a true blessing to meet and watch professionals who are committed to the art, science and craft of ridding people (and drummers too) of a disease that has claimed far too many lives before their time. 

My friend… 

Our courses in life will be altered with or without our permission.  That is an indisputable fact! Cancer sent Mom and Dad on the Unwanted Detour Tour.  Now, their youngest son is on the same Tour. It is what it is, right?   

Something different may alter your course.  Your mind, spirit, heart, and body defines the good and the bad answers to the question “Why did this happen?”  

Break an insight for the drummer, please!   

I type a mean game today, but that does not mean I am in complete control of myself all the time.  The physical wear and tear has yet to begin. I may be whining like a little bitch in three or four weeks. 

Ask a question.  There’s nothing off limits. 

Thank you for sticking with the drummer 

Tootles

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